Kissing Death

24 Dec

Yesterday (While I was on a writing roll if you will recall)  I wrote a very crucial death scene that is a huge turning point in my novel.  After which I began thinking of the next very crucial turning point, A KISSING SCENE.

Instead of continuing to write, I let my mind wonder last evening and googled “writing kissing scenes” and “best literary kissing scenes” things of that general notion you know? And as I was reading some basics about kissing scenes Here and Here.

I noticed a pattern; it wasn’t the kiss that really mattered. Now here me out before you come after me with your keyboards and sharp fountain pens! What I mean is that the build up to the scene is what was really important what happened before, the tension, why they were kissing, etc.

You can write the most descriptive breath taking kissing scene in the world and have nothing if there is no emotional pull behind it. A soft brush of the lips before a lover goes off to war is far more powerful than a mind blowing two minute long frenchie in a bar with a random guy.

What’s important is that the kiss releases the emotional tension that was built up between the two for so long. Of course I’m not saying that if you build up a ton of romantic tension and then write: they kissed. That it’s okay. It’s not. That would just leave me feeling cheated. Like, I’d invested time in these two peoples relationship and then I get no reward. 

So in an effort to explain this in a sort of coherent manner I am going to give two examples and explain why ones succeeds and one falls flat. (I understand that you can not put 200 pages worth of tension into one paragraph but I’m going to try my best to substitute. (Like using applesauce for butter it may not taste as good but it works… kind of))

EX 1:

I stood on the porch. I hugged Daniel and felt his heart beat through his shirt. Suddenly he pressed my lips to his. I  dove into the kiss, and enjoyed the firm feel of his  warm lips on mine. I couldn’t believe it I was kissing Daniel Saint! The kiss was so sweet, sweet like honey. Warm and sugary. I broke away from the kiss for a breath staring at his lips then back up at him his eyes shining in the lights and pressed my lips to his again.

EX 2:

I stand on the porch listening to the creek of the old wood, watching  the pale white chips of paint fluttering on its edge. I hug Daniel close to me, the faint pounding of his chest making my stomach curl in on its self and warming me against the chill of the wind.  I look up at him blonde hair like golden wire shinning in the faint porch light, and then his lips touch mine, covering my mouth with warm velvet. So surprised by the feel of his hands wrapping around my back that I forget where I am, as my breathing deepens into a steady pull on his like I’m breathing him in. black licorice and linen heavy on my tongue. Until I have to break away. Gasping I look up into his eyes that shimmer in the flickering porch light. I kissed Daniel Saint! Suddenly brave I put my lips back on his.

Example one is obviously the bad one… errr I hope it looks like the bad one LOL.

It doesn’t work for a couple of reasons:

  1. It doesn’t give us details about the place we are. All we know is that we are on a porch.
  2. It has a lot of clichés “sweet like honey” “warm and sugary” “dove into the kiss:”
  3. It’s interrupted by a thought in the middle making it seem choppy and pulling us out of the kiss. 

Example two is the good one. Not that it is perfect, it’s not. It is just a blurb that I came up with on the spot for this, but for our purposes it will do. It’s better than number one for a couple of reasons:

  1. We get a good feel of where we are. A porch yes but the old paint and flickering porch light seem to hint at an older house maybe a little dumpy? Unkempt? We also have an idea of the weather, as it mentions “the chill of the wind”
  2. The descriptions have meaning because they are not used as often as “sweet like honey” like “blonde hair like gold wire” “Black licorice and Linen” and “warm velvet” etc.
  3. The thoughts were kept at places where there was a break. Where we weren’t jolted out of the scene.

I hope this helped with understanding my incoherent babble. Thanks for reading! Flash Fiction Fridays coming to you soon!


5 Responses to “Kissing Death”

  1. thewatersedgecarrie December 24, 2010 at 8:44 pm #

    Well said………its funny cause i have been working on the kissing scean in my book right now too:) and let me say its not so easy as it sounds:P lol Your right in saying that it has to build up, thats the most inportion part:)

  2. nkeda14 January 1, 2011 at 12:23 am #

    Yeah tension is everything in a novel!

  3. Androgoth December 26, 2011 at 7:08 pm #

    Good luck with the
    writing of your novel…



  1. Top 11 Posts of 2011 « NOVEL IDEAS - December 16, 2011

    […] 8. Kissing Death […]

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