Apprehension

17 Jun

No, I have not started editing.

BTE now... but worse (it was suppose to be realistic *shrugs*)

No, I have not begun writing CARVE yet.

Why? I am LAZY… also it’s kind of scary! Don’t laugh at me please! Just let me explain.

You see BTE as it stands is a mess. I don’t even have to reread it to know. It’s slop… it’s grossly disfigured. It basically looks like one of those Picasso abstract portraits… and nor in a good artsy way. It looks more like a five year olds imitation (without the “Aww I’m five and I drew something factor) And I’m kind of freaking out about editing it, the more I think about it the more I realize that it will not look a thing like draft one (hopefully).

And that involves a lot of work (again…LAZY!)

Secondly, I haven’t begun CARVE for much the same reason. BTE is giving me a complex for starting CARVE. I’m spazzing about writing crap like BTE’s first draft for CARVE’s first draft. It’s innerving. Plus, I feel ever so guilty for the lack of plotting that CARVE has had. Despite me still being psyched about the idea itself, it makes me apprehensive to begin the project.

Besides, I’ve been busy! I sware I’m not just sitting around blubbering like a baby about my writerly woes. I’ve made over 70 bucks in the last four days babysitting, and I’ve been guitar shopping J! I’m getting my beautiful instrument Monday or Tuesday , which means I will be even less likely to write.

So before I’m aloud to play my new guitar, I’ve promised myself that I will download BTE onto my nook and that I will write CARVE’s first chapter. Ridiculous the lengths I have to go to to get myself to write!

What are you all up to?

CURRENT MUSIC: Look What You’ve Done by Jet (LOVE this song! The band is named after my character O.o)

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6 Responses to “Apprehension”

  1. gabriellan June 17, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

    I know the feeling. When I looked back over my NaNo novel at the end of November, I felt like a mother realizing her baby was ugly (bad analogy; you get the point! haha). But then you find the good parts and that encourages you, or you simply become resigned to the fact that it needs a lot work.

    That’s cool that you’re getting a guitar! My sister took guitar lessons on a borrowed instrument, and she’s planning on buying one herself one of these days.

    • nkeda14 June 18, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

      I like the analogy! Haha at least everyone else seems to have realized the same thing! I just need to force myself to do it.

  2. juanvillagrana June 17, 2011 at 10:52 pm #

    I’m totally going to be lazy when the time comes to edit STARSONG. I should probably bring this up in a future post, but I never EVER read draft one after I had finished it. Yeah. It was the awful. Like. AWFUL awful. Chances are, your first draft of BTE shines like gold next my first draft of STARSONG. I just dove right into draft two after two months of silence and thinking things over.
    Just hang in there lol.
    =)

    • nkeda14 June 18, 2011 at 1:48 pm #

      Thanks :/ maybe that is a good idea…. lol i’ll try to keep going!

  3. harmamae June 19, 2011 at 1:33 am #

    Don’t let this stop you writing! Honestly, the only way you fail at writing is if you stop.
    I had this exact feeling after finishing my last fantasy novel… that I could never write anything worth reading again. I got over it eventually though. 🙂

    • nkeda14 June 20, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

      Thanks 🙂 I just have to “force write” in the mean time.

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