Living In A Snow-Globe

24 Sep

Lately the school has been pushing my class to discover what they want to go into as a career. I’ve known what I’ve wanted to be since fourth grade. Only recently have I come to understand what a ridiculous notion being a writer right out of school is, especially the kind of writer I want to be. A novelist. Parents and professionals around the world may now gasp in horror!

I love writing, always have, always will. But, I’m realizing that i can’t just do that. My dream has always been this:

Own my own bookstore. Write novels. Done. Clean perfect and sealed with a kiss! It has always seemed that simple to me. All I had to do was buy a store fill it with books,and people would come right? Then I could rake in a decent salary and work on my sure to be published YA novel.

It is not that simple. I guess I was just naive about the whole thing, and yeah I feel kind of stupid saying it, but I was. Now i’m kind of freaking out because I understand that I can’t do this right out of college or highschool or whatever level of education I had planned to complete in this fantasy.

So practically, what is a girl to do? I mean, I want a decent living… who doesn’t? And I also want to pursue my dream, which will limit the amount of jobs I can get that will allow me plenty of writing time. That list is even further narrowed by jobs that give you a decent salary.

When I first discovered this I had thought “Oh I’ll be a creative writing teacher!” Simple right? I get to teach and practice what I teacher with summers and weekends off. Then my dream was brutally crushed by my worst enemy. Numbers. Teacher salaries are horrible. Especially fresh out of college, which is when you need money! How am I suppose to open a freaking bookshop only making 20-30,000 dollars a year huh? Even with seniority a lot of teachers only make 40,000 a year and that’s if you stay in the same place your whole life. Working 9-5.

I can’t do that. I hate doing the same thing everyday. It would drive me crazy!

So that lead me, to my parents and grandparents delight, to their option:

Engineer/chemist

Need I say more? Feel free to gasp in sheer terror. A creative soul forever chained to a desk, crunching numbers in a lab. I shudder to think of it. I can’t imagine this. Me working in a cubical, with million of other cubicles typing away on a calculator, and mixing foul-smelling chemicals behind a pair of goggles. Ugh. I refuse to be condemned to this fate. While a great money-maker (50-80,000 out of college) I can’t do it. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it.

So that left me with my back up career. Nursing. Don’t get me wrong. I actually think I’d like being a nurse. You get to help others, and according to most nurses I’ve talked to there is a super high demand for them. Along with that their out of college salary is pretty awesome at 40-60,000 a year with only a two-year associates degree. Their hours aren’t awesome, but they are super flexible, and part-time work has a ton of potential in this area. I could easily work 4 days a week and still make good money.

This should make me happy right? Making good money with a good amount of writing time, but I’m not happy. Mostly i’m freaked out. My whole life is changing. It’s crazy scary to realize that the way you’ve envisioned yourself living your life isn’t really practical (and thus, for a sensible girl like me, not possible).

I’m desperately afraid of the fact that I’ll somehow lose my writing if I don’t become a book store owner or a teacher. It’s so stupid and childish to believe it, but I do. It’s as if I lived in a snow-globe my whole life and suddenly somebody has shattered the sphere, and now I see the world as it really is. It’s good that I see it, but it’s scary. Now I’m kind of wishing the snow-globe had been the whole world.

I understand that plenty of people write with a full-time job, but that just wasn’t how I saw myself. I guess I’m just now “re-seeing” myself, if you know what I mean. Maybe that is what is freaking me out. The fact that I’m having to redefine what I’ll be, and in that, I’ll have to change who I am.Β  And writing, writing is who I am.

That is all I have to say about that. I know I won’t lose my writing, but I just can’t shake this feeling that it won’t be the same. Weird. I know.

InΒ  other less, serious news, I purchased WITHER today. This cool little Indie store by my house got a close out lot of 20 copies and I purchased a perfect hardback for only 3.99. A crime against humanity, I know! I also obtained Sabotage by Margaret Peterson Haddix for the same price. So I suppose I’m off to read those and forget about my writing worries.

Anyone else ever have this freaky experience?

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16 Responses to “Living In A Snow-Globe”

  1. James September 25, 2011 at 3:14 am #

    Yeah, I had a similar experience a year or so before entering college. All I wanted was to build spaceships for a career, still do! It’s never that simple though, but it put me on the path to becoming an engineer and a writer. I never saw myself as a writer, and I definitely didn’t want to sit at a desk crunching numbers all day either, I plan to be out there building stuff! And it did get me building spaceships, if only in my writing. I don’t think you will lose your writing no matter what you do, just keep writing and make the best of what life throws at you. And let me say, engineers are some of the most creative people I know and I know us engineers don’t want to be stuck in a cubicle either. πŸ˜‰

    • nkeda14 October 8, 2011 at 7:16 am #

      Thanks πŸ™‚ It’s good to know it isn’t just me!

  2. The Outcast September 25, 2011 at 7:04 am #

    I’m afraid I’m going to college for Journalism, so my career will be my writing. Ever considered some form of Communications major with a concentration is Journalism/Creative Writing?

    • nkeda14 October 8, 2011 at 7:19 am #

      Yeah, I’ve thought about it, but the job openings aren’t to great. my Aunt got out of school two years ago with a degree similar to that and has had to go back because it has been difficult to find a job in that field. 😦

  3. peacesigngirl21 September 25, 2011 at 9:40 am #

    I’m terrified when it comes to considering an occupation. I shudder at the thought. πŸ˜€ It seems too far away for me, and I tend to ignore the thought of the future. And I’m pretty sure my parents don’t approve of my passion for writing . . . just because it doesn’t make much money, and I’m probably not that good. I dread having to finally choose a job, but hopefully writing will always be a hobby. πŸ˜€

    • nkeda14 October 8, 2011 at 7:21 am #

      Same until recently, it’s just crazy to realize that you are only two years away from breaking through the public school system… Then you have to decide what you want to do with your life. Its scary for sure.

      πŸ™‚ I’m sure, as long as you keep working at it, you’ll became a NYT Bestseller. Remember the little people!

  4. Anonymous September 25, 2011 at 4:23 pm #

    I thought for the longest time that I wanted to be an editor, no ifs ands or buts about it. But then it finally sank in: you’ll have to sit at a desk all day long. And that’s daunting for somebody who prefers to sit ON their desk, or at least outside in the sunshine. I still might end up majoring in journalism, but I’m also looking at my other passions for an occupation, like horses. Running a barn would definitely keep me up and moving πŸ™‚

  5. gabriellan September 25, 2011 at 4:24 pm #

    I thought for the longest time that I wanted to be an editor, no ifs ands or buts about it. But then it finally sank in: you’ll have to sit at a desk all day long. And that’s daunting for somebody who prefers to sit ON their desk, or at least outside in the sunshine. I still might end up majoring in journalism, but I’m also looking at my other passions for an occupation, like horses. Running a barn would definitely keep me up and moving πŸ™‚

    • The Outcast September 25, 2011 at 9:21 pm #

      Try being a reporter. They NEVER rest haha!

      • nkeda14 October 8, 2011 at 7:23 am #

        Ha that is true!

    • nkeda14 October 8, 2011 at 7:23 am #

      Yes, running a barn would be amazingly fun! If you ever get to do that, I’d love an invite to see the horses πŸ˜‰ I live in KY so horses are a big part of the state. I love them, and think they a gorgeous animals!

  6. harmamae September 25, 2011 at 11:10 pm #

    You are exactly where I was five years ago. All I can say is…. don’t do the nursing!!! Actually, go ahead and be a nurse, but ONLY if you’re absolutely sure, and only if you’ve actually found out what it will be like. I didn’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t what I expected. πŸ™‚
    Other than that, the best advice I can give is to just try something. You might be amazed at what you like (there was so much I didn’t know about myself when I graduated highschool). And don’t worry about switching careers and trying all sorts of different things. There’s no shame in not finding the perfect career straight off the bat.

    • nkeda14 October 8, 2011 at 7:26 am #

      Yeah, my Aunt, and one of my mom’s close friends are/were nurses so I’ve been talking to them a lot, and I’ve been thinking about being a Candy Stripper for the Summer to get a feel for the hospital scene. Who knows, I might end up as a hobo, it’s all kind of up in the air right now! haha

      Thanks for the advice, it means a lot!

  7. Michael Cunningham September 26, 2011 at 4:30 am #

    I also experienced this after finishing high school, everything was sweet then BAM: reality smacks you in the face. After graduating in 08 I spent 2 years in different courses (journalism, media studies) and eventually landed in psychology, which I’m studying now. I figured it was a good career choice as the money is good and I would get to learn a lot about people and help them through tough times.

    Recently I thought to myself how demanding it would be to be a psychologist for the rest of my life and I started having major doubts. This is a frightening thing to realise, 3 years out of school, and you don’t know what you want to be or what you are doing. I thought long and hard about it and decided I’m going to finish the degree, and then pursue a masters in creative writing. This way I can work towards my goal of being a published author, and gain a lot of usefull skills in the process! I really recommend you watch this video, don’t worry it’s only a couple of minutes, but it really helped me! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY50vvMjX_o

  8. Katie September 26, 2011 at 8:54 am #

    Another thing you could do is work as a nurse (or journalist or psychologist or whatever) and set aside as much of your salary as possible to start your own bookstore eventually.

    There are tons of websites out there for coupon sites and “virtual money” sites like SwagBucks that help you save even more money. Also, have you thought about having advertising on your blog? Depending on who the advertiser is, you could get a sizable portion of the sales.

    • nkeda14 October 8, 2011 at 7:27 am #

      That is true, I’ve had that thought before and thought it would be a good option. Thank you for the advice and comment!

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