Why I Left, and Why I’m back.

6 Jun

Wow, embarrassing this absence has been. (Yikes Yoda sounding! ) I think it’s time I explain myself.

So, it’s mostly because I was sacred. Scared out of my freakin’ mind. I was in a slump and a bad one at that. I have been for something like 3 months now.  I’d written scarcely anything and the longer I went without writing the more scared I got that I couldn’t do it. There was no way I could write, could get words on paper like I had before.

I spent every afternoon staring at a blank screen for at least ten minutes, and the closing it down. It was too empty. There wasn’t any way for me to fill that page, it would just swallow all my words up! 3 MONTHS… 3 MONTHS! I felt useless.

Then I would open WordPress, but I couldn’t write a post. How could I write a post to you all when I couldn’t even write a simple paragraph in Word? I can’t tell you how many drafts of posts I have piled up on here, 6 or 7 I think.  I would start one but I couldn’t finish. I felt like a hypocrite. Here I was trying to tell you all how to write, when somehow I wasn’t even a writer anymore.

Then yesterday, around 5PM I opened up word again. I began writing my new novel (forced myself too,no matter how bad I knew it would be), but something was wrong. I couldn’t get into that ‘writing groove’ you know the one. The one where once you find it you can just roll along indefinitely in it, with words flying everywhere. So, instead of closing down that document I opened up some old files. I went through the second draft of Before This Ends as it now stands (unfinished), then I stumbled around some other files until I found last years NaNoWriMo disaster Ablaze (an unfinished first draft that involves phoenixes, fire, and castles). And suddenly I got that shine in my eye. I could feel it.

This piece that I’d given up on, it wasn’t so bad. Actually, it was… dare I say, kind of good ( in a first drafty way of course)? So, I started. I had left off right in the middle of a conflict. I don’t remember what pulled me away, but I just started and then I was going, just going. I didn’t want to stop. It was like all the writing had built up in me and I was just flying away at the keys. Why had I thought this was going to be hard?

Granted my writing skills are a bit rusty, but a little elbow grease and a couple thousand words can fix that! So yesterday I pumped out something like 4,000 words and am quite happy with myself. Yeah Ally! You aren’t in the writing pit of despair anymore.

My point: Novel Ideas will be getting better because I no longer feel like a hypocrite. See, I’m writing this post right now! :)) So for those of you reading this (if there are any left… haha) thank you so, so, SOOOO much for sticking with me. You will never know what your support means to me.

And for those of you in a writerly slump. Believe me when I say I understand, and it WILL get better.

 

Update:

When I published this post this is the quote WordPress gave me:

The desire to write grows with writing.

-Desiderius Erasmus

Ironic.

Advertisements

9 Responses to “Why I Left, and Why I’m back.”

  1. Brigid June 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm #

    Aww I feel your pain, dear. I was in a writing slump pretty much this entire school year. And the summer before that. Well, and for much of last school year as well. Okay, I’m not really sure how long it was but it was a LONG time. Sometimes inspiration would come in bursts, but it would only last for a few days and then I’d be back in a terrible slump again. For some reason, I’ve just lost a lot of confidence in myself during the past couple of years and that makes it quite hard to get anything done.

    I’ve gotten back into the habit of writing lately, mostly thanks to a Word Wars group I joined on Facebook. And I’m still not very confident in my WIP––nor do I really have a solid plan as to what’s going to happen in it. But I feel like I just need to get a first draft out, because sometimes that’s really what I need. And I haven’t finished a first draft of something for more than a year, so I feel like I should get cracking. I’ve written about 50 pages in the past month and I’m hoping to finish this draft by the end of June, so … hopefully this streak will continue!

    Anyway, I totally understand how you feel. There are a lot of times when I’m kind of ashamed of my blog because I’m like, “How can I give writing advice when I absolutely fail at writing?!” But I guess that’s the way all writers feel … there are always ups and downs. 😉

    • nkeda14 June 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

      Thanks so much for your comment Brigid!

      It helps to know it’s not just me, because when you are a writer (as you know) you can get to felling isolated. Like it’s just you (even when it obviously isn’t). I feel like writing is a lot like being married. There are good times and bad times. You know that you love it, but at times you just want to give up. But, you always come back. Always, because it’s what makes you really happy!

      I wish you the best of luck on your WIP, I’m sure it’s fabulous (just like everything I’ve read on your blog)!

      Happy writing!

      • Brigid June 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm #

        No problem!

        Yeah, definitely. I often feel the same way … I mean, I know a lot of other writers online, but not many in person who I can talk to. And it’s frustrating when I have these problems and most of my friends/family don’t really understand what it’s like. But definitely, all writers go through these things!

        Haha yes, I’ve often used the “married” metaphor for describing writing. It really is like being in a relationship … You get into fights with it, and you hate it to death sometimes––but then you always return to it because you can’t stay away, and because you remember what made you fall in love with it in the first place.

        Thank you! I wish you luck on your WIP as well. 🙂

  2. Naomi June 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    Hiiiii!
    I’m glad you’re back, I kept checking back and being like “where is she? I hope she hasn’t died…” yeah I’m a freak. But I’m glad you’re writing again!
    Your blog is fantastic by the way, one of the best. I introduced my sister, who is no longer a teen writer as she recently turned 20, but a young writer nonetheless and a thumping good one at that (: Of course, she isn’t perfect, but she’s getting there and it’s pretty hard to impress her, but your blog did impress her, yay (: So yeah that’s kind of a big compliment. I’m glad I can get to reading new posts again, “writer’s block” is just the worst thing ever. I know how you feel, glad you’re back in the game though.
    Welcome back! x

    • nkeda14 June 6, 2012 at 9:55 pm #

      Thank you so much for you comment Naomi! I always look forward to hearing what you have to say on my posts. Ha ha, and don’t feel too bad because I do that to blogs I like all the time. Over active imagination is my problem I suppose.

      I’m glad to hear that your sister likes my blog! Tell her I appreciate he readership as well as yours!

      Looking forward to hearing from you again soon!

      Ally

  3. quix689 June 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm #

    I definitely know how you feel. I barely wrote anything between Script Frenzy ’08 and NaNo ’10, save for a few short stories that I had to write for class. I used to write all the time, but I was in this sort of slump where I just couldn’t write. I’m getting better about writing now, but it still comes and goes. I’m worried that my writing is worse than it was before. Hopefully if I can keep forcing myself to write, I’ll eventually like what I write. Maybe I’m just being too hard on myself. Who knows?

    Anyway, I’m glad that you’ve re-found your love of that novel! It’s always inspiring to see that others have discarded novels for whatever reason and have then gone back to them later. It’s good to know that I’m not alone. 🙂

    Good luck with your writing!

    • nkeda14 June 6, 2012 at 9:59 pm #

      As I said to Brigid, writing is a lonely kind of occupation (or hobby) and it’s easier to get in a slump that way. You don’t have anyone to complain too *ahem* I mean talk to about it usually.

      I know what you mean about being worried about whether or not your writing is improving, or (god forbid) getting worse. i had that kind of scare when I started writing again yesterday. I thought ‘if this sucks worse then my last novel, I’m quitting.’ Even though, if I’m being honest with myself, I know i won’t ever quit. I’m a masochist I guess!

      I wish you luck on your writing endeavors! Thanks for sticking around!

      Ally

  4. Cally Jackson June 6, 2012 at 11:01 pm #

    Writing slumps suck. I’ve definitely been there. What’s worked for me in the past is giving myself permission to write rubbish. Unfortunately, not every sentence that flows from my fingertips is amazing, and I just found that the more pressure I put on myself to write something ‘better’, the harder it became to write anything. Not sure if that’s the same for you, but thought I’d let you know anyway. Hope your current writing wave continues. 🙂

    • nkeda14 June 7, 2012 at 9:42 am #

      Thanks for the advice Cally, That is how I started writing yesterday. I just forced myself to do it even though I thought it would be terrible.

      The longer I waited though, the worse it got. Thanks for commenting. And I hope writing is going fine for you as well!

      Ally

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: